body – Page 2 – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

XXXVI: The Nocturnal’s Struggle of Waking Up Early / Notes to Self XVI

If you have been following The Diary lately, you should know that I’ve been making gradual changes in my life. One of those changes is waking up early for work—ideally at 8:00am. I did just that on most workdays after ToyCon 2025, and there were times I even woke up at 6:00am. (That’s a feat for a nocturnal person like me, and even my family is shocked by the fact that I woke up before they did.)

Now it’s beyond the middle of August 2025, and I admit that I haven’t really been waking up as early as 8am lately… and that’s fine.

(Buckle up because this is going to be a long post.)

10-Minute Warning CLXXVI

OK. What can I tell here in under 10 minutes?

Since April 29, I have been trying to sleep and wake up early. Truly. I have been drinking my nightly medicine at 9pm, and it helped me sleep early. But the downside of drinking my nightly medicine is that I sleep longer than I want to. Sometimes, when I drink my meds at 9pm, I also wake up at 9am. Sometimes, I drink my meds at 9pm, and I wake up early… but I feel dazed and confused after. That’s insane.

I feel like my body got used to sleeping more because of the meds, and as much as I love sleeping for longer hours (and I quote my therapist once again, “sleep is medicine”), I want to go back to the normal 8-9 hours of proper sleep. I need to talk to my therapist about adjusting the medicine intake soon.

In the meantime, I drank my nightly medicine at 8:30pm. Will this work? I will see about that. I don’t feel slee… oh, there you go. My fingers are getting numb now. See you in the next post.

The Wall I

Trigger warning: This is a poem about depression and having suicidal thoughts. Please be advised.