Personal – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

10-Minute Warning CCIV

Last June 19, Friday, weeks after dark clouds hovered above me again, I felt tired of those clouds and focused more on the glimpses of hope (as an old friend would call it). A few people actually helped me focus those glimpses through good food and warm conversation, and I truly appreciate them. And believe me: even if I’m silent and in the dark sometimes, I still appreciate even the simplest act of kindness.

After a good weekend (particularly for my mental health), this afternoon happened. I had a productive day, but then I remembered one thing that started the most recent crisis, and something in me snapped. I also remember the goals I want to achieve a week after my birthday (and the mission I have to do to achieve that), but then again, will it even undo the crisis? It’s uncertain, and somehow my blood is boiling because of it.

Fuck this. I need an affogato tonight.

Header image: Janko Ferlic of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2026.

10-Minute Warning CCIII

One of the things that made me feel trapped in a silent, dark prison lately is missing my most important goal in the first half of the year, and that goal would’ve helped me in the second half. No one likes ruined plans, but it’s an extraordinary hurt for me because it also involves a simple birthday wish that only I can turn into reality.

Honestly, I would be fine with just following the birthday dinner tradition I started in 2019, but if you ask me what I really want, it’s… never mind. I’ll just say that it’s as simple and complicated as throwing a birthday dinner, even if it’s just for family and close friends.

I’m still not giving up on those important goals, but I need to be realistic in how to reach them before the actual deadline, which is a week after my birthday. God help me. I really wish for that blueprint to turn into a skyscraper.

Header image: Altin Rrahmani of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2026.

Dream Log I: A Double-Feature of Absurd Dreams

I’ve been going through another mental and emotional crisis since Monday, May 25. Then, three days after, after getting stuck in the exhausting loop, my brain decided to take a break and release two absurd dreams.