Nervous Notes I

In order for me to calm down, I need:
a pill that soothes my mind,
a certain number of supporting hands,
someone who can pick my brain for an hour,
and comforting, assuring words

but my support system is nothing
when I do not follow their advice,
when I suddenly teleport to an unknown place,
when I let my own worries eat my future

I do not want to gain more nicknames,
“Stubborn Sumbitch”
“The Test of Patience”
“The Bridge Burner”
or simply a lost cause

In a war inside my head,
reinforcements can only do so much
I want my sanity to come home
But it’s a war I have to win alone

 

Like a Tree

A friend with a different world view
left recently without notice
and no path pointing back
I have to admit:
Bonds crumbling abruptly eat me alive
but I have spent years moping with losses
while forgetting the 52 who stayed
Now I realize:
I would rather grow with those who remain like a tree
than waste waters on dead plants.

(Image Credit: Pixabay)

10-Minute Warning IV

Let me tell you something again under 10 minutes.

Productivity wise, well… I have a few rough nights not coming up with better homepage designs. I also need to sharpen my pen tool skills. Perfect. Just when I am falling in love with Adobe Illustrator again. But other than that I’m good.

And also I’ve been checking more of my junior designer’s social media and UI work, too. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I need to go overtime and work on her tasks myself. But that would not make her improve, right? It’s not in my nature to be strict and I am kind of a rebel myself, but in order for my subordinate to improve, I need to toughen her up. So far, so good. I hope she improves in a couple of months.

When it comes to my panic attacks, there are a few major ones but I am really doing my best to handle them myself, though I do need to inform my loved ones what is happening to me. Even if I am having those attacks, I still have to be aware of my surroundings. I cannot let them win over me. Fuck anxiety, man.

In the coming weeks, I will finally scatter some old posts to beef up The Dispatch’s  archives. I’m pretty sure there will be a lot of writing exercises over actual essays, but that’s better than having a stagnant blog. Right?

And there goes 10 minutes.