wish – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

From Afar

Getting your well-deserved promotion
Exploring the mysterious yet exciting world
I wish I could say I’m happy for you
But I can only be joyful for you from afar

The loss of someone important to you
A rejection that breaks your heart
I wish I could be there for you
But I can only be sad for you from afar

An intimate party with the ones you love
A massive show with you as the main star
I hope I can be glorious with you
But I can only say cheers to you from afar

All of these scenarios running in my mind
I’m uncertain if they happened or not
I only have these alternate trajectories
While I’m sure you’re enjoying life from afar

Then one day, the universe gave an answer
One alternate trajectory turned reality
One day, I walked and enjoyed the quiet
Then I saw you from afar

Your smile was beaming, beautiful as ever
Enjoying a meal with the ones you love
Our bond’s end shattered my world
But now I’m happy for you from afar

I have to live with the bittersweet truth:
My absence led to your happiness
So, even if it breaks my heart
I have to grow old with you from afar

Header image: Nazila Azimzada of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.

Listen VI: Foo Fighters’ “Asking for a Friend”

In my previous Listen post, I wrote a love letter to my third-favorite Foo Fighters song, “Walk” (the third single and last song from the band’s seventh studio album Wasting Light). I shared how the song gave me light in a truly dark period in 2011. I also shared that during my sing-along to “Walk” at my second (and best) Foos show last October 4, 2025, it started with a few seconds of tears and ended up singing along angrily. That was a cathartic moment for me.

Then, on the night of October 23, 2025, after having a lovely birthday dinner with my family (it was my Mother’s birthday), the Foo Fighters released their newest song, “Asking for a Friend”. Little did I know that, once again, I would feel multiple emotions all at once because of a song from my all-time favorite band.

The newest Foo Fighters song, “Asking for a Friend”.

30-Minute Warning XXXIII

What can I write here under 30 minutes?

Firstly, today is my Father’s birthday. After our monthly grocery shopping, Mother, Younger Brother and I surprised him with an avocado cake. Before Father blew the candle, he closed his eyes and wished for 15 seconds. He has never done that before – not in front of me anyway. But knowing him, it looks like he wished something for the family.

Anyway, happiest birthday to you, my Father! If you’re reading this, you are one of the strongest, most hardworking, and most determined people I have ever met and I aspire to be like you. The entire family and I would like to thank you for working so hard so my brothers and I can have a good education, among other things he has provided for us. I love you very much and I wish you all the best in life!

After my Father blew the candle, we had some cream cheese pepperoni pizza and fried chicken… but Father only had a bite of avocado cake because he is following a keto diet. The diet plan I mentioned is working for him so he has been preaching about it to us for months. I’m glad my Father has found a way to be healthier for his age and I would like to lose more weight, so I’m considering following the keto diet… but I don’t want to follow the way my Father started. How did he start? Right after discovering the keto diet, he immediately lowered his carbohydrate intake. And based on my experience, going cold turkey does not work for me. What works for me is the slow, gradual way. Wish me luck on my journey to a healthier self.

Speaking of getting healthier, I will start drinking less Jack and Coke/Coke Zero this weekend. I usually drink 3 or 4 cans or glasses of my favorite alcoholic drink, and I admit that getting tipsy or drunk is fun. Also, drinking and getting drunk at home fits my introverted self, it’s safer, and it does not hurt my wallet. But sometimes the morning after getting drunk, I would feel groggy. So this weekend, I will refrain from drinking more than 2 cans of Jack and Coke/Coke Zero, and from there I will lessen my intake slowly. Again, wish me luck!

Oh, I almost forgot to say… my Mother and Father bought enough Jack and Coke Zeros for October to December 2024, if I were to start drinking 1-2 cans of it weekly. My heart is so happy. Thank you and I love you, my beloved parents!

And time’s up.