moments – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

LII: Away for a Day

Last Friday, April 17, for the first time in perhaps almost a year, I didn’t touch The Diary for a day.

For several months, I’ve been overflowing with thoughts and ideas, and I have regained my confidence in writing. When I’m on cloud nine, I write about it here. When I’m back in hell, I write about it here. No matter how I felt, I kept writing here.

And then last Friday, life happened.

From Afar

Getting your well-deserved promotion
Exploring the mysterious yet exciting world
I wish I could say I’m happy for you
But I can only be joyful for you from afar

The loss of someone important to you
A rejection that breaks your heart
I wish I could be there for you
But I can only be sad for you from afar

An intimate party with the ones you love
A massive show with you as the main star
I hope I can be glorious with you
But I can only say cheers to you from afar

All of these scenarios running in my mind
I’m uncertain if they happened or not
I only have these alternate trajectories
While I’m sure you’re enjoying life from afar

Then one day, the universe gave an answer
One alternate trajectory turned reality
One day, I walked and enjoyed the quiet
Then I saw you from afar

Your smile was beaming, beautiful as ever
Enjoying a meal with the ones you love
Our bond’s end shattered my world
But now I’m happy for you from afar

I have to live with the bittersweet truth:
My absence led to your happiness
So, even if it breaks my heart
I have to grow old with you from afar

Header image: Nazila Azimzada of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.

Notes to Self XXII

Recently, I have been receiving so much light in the form of good deeds and happy moments (e.g., the recent Foo Fighters show, meeting my new friend, and my happiest birthday yet), and that generous amount of light makes me feel good.

But what’s better than receiving? It’s giving, especially the altruistic kind.

This is my 22nd Notes to Self.