Tag: rejection

LV: The Day My Real Self Died

I have shared a few times in my life that there is strength in vulnerability. But recently, when I took off my mask, reached out to someone I care about, and entered my most vulnerable state, I was met with overwhelm and distance, and I broke down to the core. I even apologized for being vulnerable and breaking down because I was afraid I ruined the connection, but doing that was also incredibly humiliating.

I thought to myself, “What did accepting my real self and being truly vulnerable accomplish except distance and emotional death? What’s the point of taking my mask off then?”

I still believe in the strength of vulnerability. But if I am to continue living and become vulnerable without fear of rejection and distance, I will force myself to wear my human face during the day, and become true and free while wearing my real face—my mask—at night.

From now on, the real face is my mask, and my mask is my real face.

I may be fine on the outside, but beneath the surface, my real self died. The Deranged Writer lives on.

From Afar

Getting your well-deserved promotion
Exploring the mysterious yet exciting world
I wish I could say I’m happy for you
But I can only be joyful for you from afar

The loss of someone important to you
A rejection that breaks your heart
I wish I could be there for you
But I can only be sad for you from afar

An intimate party with the ones you love
A massive show with you as the main star
I hope I can be glorious with you
But I can only say cheers to you from afar

All of these scenarios running in my mind
I’m uncertain if they happened or not
I only have these alternate trajectories
While I’m sure you’re enjoying life from afar

Then one day, the universe gave an answer
One alternate trajectory turned reality
One day, I walked and enjoyed the quiet
Then I saw you from afar

Your smile was beaming, beautiful as ever
Enjoying a meal with the ones you love
Our bond’s end shattered my world
But now I’m happy for you from afar

I have to live with the bittersweet truth:
My absence led to your happiness
So, even if it breaks my heart
I have to grow old with you from afar

Ω

Header image: Nazila Azimzada of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.