sadness – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

I’m Honestly Not Fine

The world moved on long ago
I’m still too far behind
Why am I still like this, though?
I’m honestly not fine

My gentle smile’s just for show
My fuel’s in decline
Is time moving fast or slow?
I’m honestly not fine

The world has forgiven me
But I still feel maligned
I can’t move on and be free
I’m honestly not fine

My heart is in constant ache
The sun still couldn’t shine
I’m still stuck with my mistakes
I’m honestly not fine

Header image: Simon Robben of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.

Song of the Moment CXIV: Motörhead’s “I’ll Be Your Sister

Today, after trying to wake up earlier (and failing) and finishing a ton of paperwork, I’m honestly in low spirits and also anxious for a few reasons. As a fan of professional wrestling, I know there’s at least one reason to celebrate today, which is Austin 3:16 Day (in reference to the history-altering “Stone Cold” Steve Austin promo at WWE King of the Ring in 1996). Still, sometimes the melancholy and anxiety cannot be extinguished easily by a single happy memory.

That doesn’t mean I’m not doing my best to feel better, though. Here’s one of my happy methods this afternoon: listening to my favorite metal band, Motörhead, to burn off my anxious energy while working. In particular, I’ve been listening to their first two albums: the self-titled debut album and Overkill. The latter features one of my top three favorite songs from the speed metal pioneers, “I’ll Be Your Sister”.

Notes to Self XXVII

After having a streak of happy moments for several months, dark clouds have been hovering over my head more frequently. One of my contingency plans for dark days is to watch a random episode of my favorite show, so I opened my laptop and watched one of the show’s last episodes. During the viewing, a favorite character said something that’s somehow relevant to my situation.

This is my 27th Notes to Self.