I woke up feeling sad. I’m sad when I had my breakfast. I’m sad when I took a bath. I’m sad when I opened my laptop and worked for a few hours. I’m sad when I had my late lunch. I’m sad when I looked for a job. I brought my sadness to my afternoon nap, and I woke up again still feeling sad. I’m sad when I had my dinner. I’m sad when I watched the movie Meet Joe Black, and I’m still sad while I’m writing this.
And all of this, I don’t know why I’m sad. All I know is that I’m sad, and I just hope I will not be sad tomorrow.
Last Monday, I felt so unhappy and unmotivated that I skipped exercise time and my favorite cafe time. So last night, I went to the mall, had a fresh haircut, and ate my favorite BLT sandwich at my favorite cafe. I also made time to write in my journal and planner. All of those things made me feel better.
Today, I finished all of my work tasks, and I wrote again in my journal and planner earlier than usual. Then I was reminded of a 2025 resolution I still haven’t accomplished: finding a second job. Yes, it’s early to tell because it’s still January, and my current clerical job is stable. But I have to be honest: my current pay sucks and I need to keep up with the growing bills. I need another way to save more money. That means I need to find another job—a well-paying part-time job—and I need to do it more strenuously.
Anyway, after work and reminding myself about a resolution, I watched the iconic graphic novel-turned-film V for Vendetta, and now I’m writing this while listening to a hit by the Spice Girls, “Too Much”. It was my favorite song from the English girl group when I was young, and it’s still my favorite from them now—even if some of the lyrics remind me of a painful memory several years back.
Happy Wednesday, everyone.
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Published on January 22, 2025 at 10:31pm. Edited at 10:38pm.
Recently, whenever my parents/bosses didn’t have a task for me, I did a few job interviews. And not one employer gave a job offer; not even an entry-level one. I thought all the rejections I have taken since the COVID-19 pandemic had toughened me up, but it still breaks my heart whenever a potential employer doesn’t take a chance on me. I truly feel like giving up on hunting for a web/graphic design job and just focusing on the clerical work that I have now.
Then recently, while I was binge-watching the American crime mystery/dramedy series Castle, I heard a quote from Richard Castle (played by Nathan Fillion) for his daughter Alexis (played by Molly Quinn) that hit my heart.
The Diary of The Deranged Writer 