songs – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

XLI: The Return of Light in December 1

Since 2019, December 1 has become a haunting day. It reminded me of a ghost from a failed relationship, and I easily see ghosts through specific dates, photographs, and even songs. For a few years, I had to endure the pain of seeing those ghosts, especially on December 1.

In 2022, I took it upon myself to make December 1 a less sad day. Not happy; less sad. I kept myself busy. I greeted an uncle who is also a December 1 celebrant. I numbed myself with alcohol. I kept myself busy some more. And in doing all of those things, somehow they work, even if I still see that particular ghost.

But today, December 1, 2025, many happy moments have happened. At midnight, I was sharing laughs with an online friend (once again) about the most ridiculously unhinged professional wrestler of all time, “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner. This morning, I woke up early, and I had some lovely FRESH POTS that energized my body and soul. I was able to accomplish the work tasks that I could do before I went running errands. After those errands, I had a fresh haircut and a satisfying massage. And now I’m having my thirst-quenching iced tea at my favorite cafe. I will absolutely have dinner here as well.

But the happiest part of the day? It’s talking to my new friend. It feels nice getting to know more about a gentle, kind soul.

It’s 6:00pm as I type this entry, but thanks to all those moments today, for the first time in years, I can declare that December 1 is a happy day. In fact, December 1, 2025, is the happiest December 1 of my life. Yes, the ghosts are still there, but they don’t haunt me anymore. The light I have been feeling lately outweighs the dark.

Four more days to go before my birthday, December 5!

A part of 14 Days of The Deranged Writer (2025).

Header image: Marta Dzedyshko of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.

Song of the Moment XCVII: Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”

Yes, you read the title right. And I promise you: there are no rickrolls here.

I definitely enjoyed listening to many Nine Inch Nails songs lately (notably “Every Day is Exactly the Same”, a previous Song of the Moment). But since last weekend, I needed to slowly step out of the darkness and enjoy more light. I enjoyed the light again by listening to upbeat songs ranging from “Walking on the Sun” by Smash Mouth to “Treasure” by Bruno Mars (my ultra-talented doppelgänger, according to many people).

But the most upbeat song that stood out for me is Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”, the most popular song not just in Mr. Astley’s catalog but also on the Internet. Many people have fallen into the rickroll trap, and I’m included on that list. But Internet history aside, I believe it’s one of the best pop songs ever, and I love the fact that the chorus is a written promise of total commitment. Who doesn’t want someone who will never give up on them? Those are the reasons it’s my Song of the Moment.

The music video of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”.

Oh, there’s another reason “Never Gonna Give You Up” is my Song of the Moment: Foo Fighters, my all-time favorite band, performed the song with Astley himself in 2017. Seriously, it happened! Please watch the video below. (And don’t worry, it’s a real live performance, not a rickroll. It’s more of a rickgrohl.)

Not a rickroll… Foo Fighters and Rick Astley really performed “Never Gonna Give You Up”.

See? As I promised, no rickrolls.

See you in the next post!

Listen IV: Saya’s “Natsu Shigure”

On the afternoon of June 30, 2025, I ran a few errands in the nearest business district. And when I was about to finish the final errand, heavy rain poured. I brought my portable umbrella (I always do because I’m vigilant in a way), but still… damn.

I waited several minutes for the weather to calm down, but I also wanted to go to my favorite cafe, Satchmi, early. So, I switched on my wireless earphones, opened my umbrella, pressed the shuffle mode on “My Favorite Songs” playlist on Spotify, went outside the building, hit the play button, and started walking. During my first steps, the sun slightly appeared while it was still raining.

The first song that Spotify played was the perfect soundtrack during that sunny yet rainy walk to my favorite cafe. What’s the song? It’s “Natsu Shigure” (夏しぐれ), my favorite song from Saya (冴夜), my recent favorite singer-songwriter hailing from Japan. “Natsu Shigure” means “Summer Drizzle” or “Summer Shower” in Japanese.