regret – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

Notes to Self XXI

Of all the 14 Days of The Deranged Writer birthday blogging marathons I have done since the beginning of The Diary, the 2025 edition (this year) is the most memorable in terms of content quality. For 14 straight days, I wrote four acrostic poems (one of them is related and dedicated to The Undertaker), five music-related posts, one essay about a once-haunting day, one Notes to Self post, and only three Minute Warning posts. Only three. I have reached an incredible feat.

Speaking of Notes to Self, after blogging for two weeks straight, I realized something worthy of a Notes to Self post. It’s about freedom of expression, and the responsibilities that come with it.

Song of the Moment LXXXIII: Maroon 5’s “Back at Your Door”

Since last Saturday night, I have been listening to Maroon 5’s “Back at Your Door” (the final song from the band’s second studio album It Won’t Be Soon Before Long) on repeat, and it looks like it’s turning into my favorite Maroon 5 song over “Makes Me Wonder” because of the mental and emotional pain I have lately. The jazz-flavored ballad is so full of regret and yearning, and in my humble opinion, it also presents Adam Levine’s best vocal performance.

An audio of Maroon 5’s “Back at Your Door”.

Listening to “Back at Your Door” last Saturday night kept me sane when my family was out of town and I was alone with my thoughts and my favorite Jack & Coke Zero. And what is the most painful part of the song—but I always go back to it? It’s this:

Why do you do this to me?
You penetrate right through me
Every time I wind up back at your door

No need to cry about it
I may just die without it
Every time I wind up back at your door
Maroon 5’s “Back at Your Door”

See you in the next post.

Header image: Juan Pablo Serrano of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.

30-Minute Warning II

So, what can I type here in under 30 minutes?

I have been in an adjustment period since January 16, 2023. I have been working in the family business for almost 3 months. And tomorrow morning, I’m taking a long break. I’m going to Cagayan Valley with Mother and Uncle Elvis, and the vacation lasts from April 1 to 6. Yes, it’s almost the entire Holy Week.

Actually, the long vacation is Mother’s idea. She has been planning her high school reunion with her friends since October 2022 (I think), and then she tagged me along. I have not said a firm “yes” to her right away. I only said “yes” 1 month after working in the family business. Weekend breaks are cool, but I think having a long vacation every once in a while is better for my physical and mental health.

As I said, I have been in an adjustment period. I have been so immersed in work, I have not replied to any of my friends’ messages except when it’s their birthday. I feel so bad for not replying to them. Tomorrow I will start reconnecting with them. I hope they forgive me for not replying right away.

Currently, I’m charging my Nikon D3200, Sony Handycam (yes, that good ol’ video recorder), and Samsung A52s 5G. I’m bringing all of those devices and trying on recording and document as many moments as possible. Maybe this is the start of my vlogging journey? We will see about that soon.

Anyway, my gadgets are almost ready. My clothes are ready. My toiletries are ready. We’re leaving tomorrow at 2am. And it will be a 20-hour ride. (I think.) We’re all praying for a safe journey.

And time’s up.

Header image: EvgeniT of Pixabay. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2022.