dark – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

Song of the Moment CIX: My Chemical Romance’s “Teenagers”

Today, I randomly remembered an old conversation with Mr. Saints, a high school classmate I never talked to during that phase. In 2016, when he learned from my Facebook posts that my favorite band is the legendary alternative/hard rock band Foo Fighters, he sent a message, then we switched on our fanboy modes, and we talked about our favorite songs and albums.

During the conversation, he said this:

Mr. Saints: I wish we could’ve been friends during high school because I only knew a few people who listened to Foo Fighters while everyone else was into emo.

And then I frankly told them this:

Frown I

For the past several years, I
Respond without a smile
Operate like a machine, and
Walk in the dark
No sun in my universe

Frown (Poetry Series): I, II

Header image: Pavlofox of Pixabay. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.

XLI: The Return of Light in December 1

Since 2019, December 1 has become a haunting day. It reminded me of a ghost from a failed relationship, and I easily see ghosts through specific dates, photographs, and even songs. For a few years, I had to endure the pain of seeing those ghosts, especially on December 1.

In 2022, I took it upon myself to make December 1 a less sad day. Not happy; less sad. I kept myself busy. I greeted an uncle who is also a December 1 celebrant. I numbed myself with alcohol. I kept myself busy some more. And in doing all of those things, somehow they work, even if I still see that particular ghost.

But today, December 1, 2025, many happy moments have happened. At midnight, I was sharing laughs with an online friend (once again) about the most ridiculously unhinged professional wrestler of all time, “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner. This morning, I woke up early, and I had some lovely FRESH POTS that energized my body and soul. I was able to accomplish the work tasks that I could do before I went running errands. After those errands, I had a fresh haircut and a satisfying massage. And now I’m having my thirst-quenching iced tea at my favorite cafe. I will absolutely have dinner here as well.

But the happiest part of the day? It’s talking to my new friend. It feels nice getting to know more about a gentle, kind soul.

It’s 6:00pm as I type this entry, but thanks to all those moments today, for the first time in years, I can declare that December 1 is a happy day. In fact, December 1, 2025, is the happiest December 1 of my life. Yes, the ghosts are still there, but they don’t haunt me anymore. The light I have been feeling lately outweighs the dark.

Four more days to go before my birthday, December 5!

A part of 14 Days of The Deranged Writer (2025).

Header image: Marta Dzedyshko of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.