moment – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

XLIV: Messages I Never Conveyed

Trigger warning: Themes of depression and suicide. Please be advised.

From Afar

Getting your well-deserved promotion
Exploring the mysterious yet exciting world
I wish I could say I’m happy for you
But I can only be joyful for you from afar

The loss of someone important to you
A rejection that breaks your heart
I wish I could be there for you
But I can only be sad for you from afar

An intimate party with the ones you love
A massive show with you as the main star
I hope I can be glorious with you
But I can only say cheers to you from afar

All of these scenarios running in my mind
I’m uncertain if they happened or not
I only have these alternate trajectories
While I’m sure you’re enjoying life from afar

Then one day, the universe gave an answer
One alternate trajectory turned reality
One day, I walked and enjoyed the quiet
Then I saw you from afar

Your smile was beaming, beautiful as ever
Enjoying a meal with the ones you love
Our bond’s end shattered my world
But now I’m happy for you from afar

I have to live with the bittersweet truth:
My absence led to your happiness
So, even if it breaks my heart
I have to grow old with you from afar

Header image: Nazila Azimzada of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.

Song of the Moment CI: Foo Fighters’ “Everlong (Acoustic)” (Again)

It’s been a few days since my family and I arrived home from the capital of South Korea. My body is waving the white flag, tired from all the constant walking. (But thank goodness the cold weather made the trek comforting. Also, for a day, I wore a cold-weather outfit inspired by John Reese’s winter attire from Person of Interest [long, black coat, gloves, the works], which made me feel spy-badass while walking around. For a day, I truly embody The Man in the Suit.)

And honestly, my heart and soul are still halfway from Seoul. (Hey, that rhymed.) Why? Well, exactly a month after experiencing a true happy point (the Foo Fighters show at the Singapore Grand Prix), I experienced another true happy point during the Seoul tour, and these two lines from Foo Fighters’ “Everlong” (the 11th song and second single from The Colour and the Shape) perfectly describe it.

If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

My hero, Dave Grohl, performs the acoustic version of Foo Fighters’ “Everlong” at the Save Our Stages Fest (2020).

I will tell you the full story once I fully recover and finish the other drafts I’m working on. But for now, I’m glad I’m feeling this real and this good again.

See you in the next post.

Updated on November 9, 2025.