heart – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

Notes to Self XXIII

Tonight is New Year’s Eve, and as I welcome 2026 with open arms and a worried yet excited heart in a few hours, I would like to close 2025 with a new Notes to Self that tackles about remembering… well, choosing what to remember.

From Afar

Getting your well-deserved promotion
Exploring the mysterious yet exciting world
I wish I could say I’m happy for you
But I can only be joyful for you from afar

The loss of someone important to you
A rejection that breaks your heart
I wish I could be there for you
But I can only be sad for you from afar

An intimate party with the ones you love
A massive show with you as the main star
I hope I can be glorious with you
But I can only say cheers to you from afar

All of these scenarios running in my mind
I’m uncertain if they happened or not
I only have these alternate trajectories
While I’m sure you’re enjoying life from afar

Then one day, the universe gave an answer
One alternate trajectory turned reality
One day, I walked and enjoyed the quiet
Then I saw you from afar

Your smile was beaming, beautiful as ever
Enjoying a meal with the ones you love
Our bond’s end shattered my world
But now I’m happy for you from afar

I have to live with the bittersweet truth:
My absence led to your happiness
So, even if it breaks my heart
I have to grow old with you from afar

Header image: Nazila Azimzada of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.

Notes to Self XXI

Of all the 14 Days of The Deranged Writer birthday blogging marathons I have done since the beginning of The Diary, the 2025 edition (this year) is the most memorable in terms of content quality. For 14 straight days, I wrote four acrostic poems (one of them is related and dedicated to The Undertaker), five music-related posts, one essay about a once-haunting day, one Notes to Self post, and only three Minute Warning posts. Only three. I have reached an incredible feat.

Speaking of Notes to Self, after blogging for two weeks straight, I realized something worthy of a Notes to Self post. It’s about freedom of expression, and the responsibilities that come with it.