What I truly dislike is when people tell me not to cry.
I’m quite aware that not every problem can be fixed, and everyone makes mistakes. But whether that problem can be fixed, or I end up crying over spilled milk, I should be allowed to shed tears. I learned a long time ago that I can’t just bottle up my sorrow and anger, and I need to express myself (not in a destructive way, of course) to feel catharsis, to feel better. To certain people, why am I not allowed to cry?
If I’m not allowed to cry in a place that I thought to be safe, fuck that shit. Maybe I should look for a safer space elsewhere. And if I can’t find another safe space, it’s a good thing I have The Diary.
One more day before my birthday.
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A part of 14 Days of The Deranged Writer (2025).
Header image: Hans of Pixabay. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.
Last November 19, at night, after enjoying a refreshingly hot Earl Grey tea while sitting in Oversight, I walked around the nearby business district, and I saw all the buildings and lamp posts decorated with Christmas lights. For the first time in years, I felt the Christmas spirit early. It must be because I have had a long streak of happy moments lately, and seeing those bright Christmas decorations and feeling the holiday cheer early is another win for me. At that moment, I felt like I had won 21 straight wins at WrestleMania like The Undertaker did.
Then, as I continued walking, I decided to listen to something I discovered on Spotify two weeks ago: Piano Project’s cover of “Hurt” (Johnny Cash’s cover of the Nine Inch Nails song).
Side note: Two mentions of the word “cover” in one sentence. Damn.
Piano Project’s cover of “Hurt”.
Anyway, I may have had many happy memories lately, but I admit there are still a few demons and ghosts left. But I decided to listen to the hauntingly beautiful piano cover of “Hurt” during my late-night stroll, not out of pain; I need to listen to “Hurt” to be calm and grounded.
I have experienced so many joyful moments lately, and it’s been a total pleasure looking back at them… but I don’t want to get stuck on cloud nine. If I do that, I might lose sight of reality, and if that happens, I wouldn’t be able to achieve my goals (long-term or short-term, present and future) and create more happy moments. Thanks to Piano Project’s cover of “Hurt”, that calmness was achieved, and I feel grounded on earth again. I walked around the district with “Hurt” on repeat, clearer eyes, a refueled soul, and a gleeful heart, and then I ended the hour of wandering with these words:
Onto the next mission.
And that is why Piano Project’s cover of Johnny Cash’s version of “Hurt” is my Song of the Moment.
After a whirlwind set of days filled with Foo Fighters euphoria, wandering around Singapore in a short period of time, returning to Manila, and then returning to my normal routine, my body’s truly waving the white flag. My muscles are still a bit sore, and my throat hurts. (In the first few days of having throat pain after the Foo Fighters show at the Singapore Grand Prix, I sounded like Lemmy from Motörhead.) And today, I’ve been coughing. Perhaps you can say that now I’m a flu fighter. And I’m fighting the flu with Bioflu, some hot honey/citron/ginger tea, and lots of rest.
But then my Father ordered me to finish some paperwork this afternoon. He’s also my boss, so I can’t say no to that. At least the paperwork is easy though. I’ve done them before anyway. It’s like muscle memory.
Speaking of muscles, my arms are in more pain than usual. Fuck. Even if I have more things to say and my ten minutes are still not up, I need more rest.
And that’s my update for today. See you in the next post. (And I hope I feel better when that happens.)
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Header image: Anna Shvets of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.
The Diary of The Deranged Writer 