Category: Prose

10-Minute Warning XXVIII

I have been feeling shitty for a week already. Thank you, my Dispatch and my journal, for making me remember to count the days. And today, that shitty feeling became worse because of something I did.

I can’t tell the long story, the specifics. All I can say is that I did something that is not really a big deal, but then I looked back at what I did and thought, “I think I fucked up.” I don’t know if (option A) my anxiety is just messing with me or (option B) if I truly fucked up. If I were to pick the lesser evil, I hope for option A.

I haven’t told my family about my current mental predicament. I may have told 2 friends about it. I think I should open up to my family soon – first, my brothers, and then my parents. I think they deserve to know.

Ω

Notes to Self V

I just reviewed my 2 previous posts here on The Dispatch, and… damn. I sound so depressing. And I’m still depressed, to be honest.

But let me change the mood somehow with this 60th post of The Dispatch and the 5th edition of Notes to Self! This is the blog segment where I usually quote something relevant from any form of media or from someone I know in real life. In this edition though, I simply want to remind my stupid self…

Continue reading Notes to Self V

10-Minute Warning XXVII

Let me cut to the chase. As I’m typing this now on mobile, I feel really sad. I don’t want to do anything rash or hurt myself. I’m simply sad.

I did everything to feel less sad today. I woke up early this morning. I ate breakfast and lunch on time. I helped in cleaning and taking out the trash. I updated my journal earlier than usual. I listened to the Foo Fighters’ new album But Here We Are for the nth time. And then I had my nightly walking/jogging at Three Trees. And after all that, the sadness is still there. It was lessened, but it is still there.

Perhaps I need to try harder to lessen the sorrow… or maybe stay in the darkness for a while until I’m ready to bounce back? We’ll see. I just hope I will become well tomorrow or any time this week. I truly hope.

Ω

Header image: Dustin Tramel of Unsplash. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2022.