Friends – Page 18 – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

10-Minute Warning XXVIII

I have been feeling shitty for a week already. Thank you, my Dispatch and my journal, for making me remember to count the days. And today, that shitty feeling became worse because of something I did.

I can’t tell the long story, the specifics. All I can say is that I did something that is not really a big deal, but then I looked back at what I did and thought, “I think I fucked up.” I don’t know if (option A) my anxiety is just messing with me or (option B) if I truly fucked up. If I were to pick the lesser evil, I hope for option A.

I haven’t told my family about my current mental predicament. I may have told 2 friends about it. I think I should open up to my family soon – first, my brothers, and then my parents. I think they deserve to know.

Gratitude Log I

2 weeks ago, I saw an Instagram post from musician, gamer, and cosplayer Ms. Ashley Gosiengfiao, and it got my attention because it’s about being thankful. Let me quote a part of the caption.

For 1 week, mentally (or even verbally) say thank you to the universe for every little thing. For every cup of coffee, for the roof over your head, for the gadget that you’re using to read this right now, for your nice skin today, for that momentary gust of wind on this hot day, for that pretty butterfly that just flew by, etc.

EVERY. LITTLE. THING. That you receive or that you just happen to find beautiful.

10-Minute Warning II

OK. So, what can I type in 10 minutes after drinking 6 highball glasses of Jack and Coke in under an hour?

Let me say – it has been years since my last serious relationship, and I want to say this on The Diary I don’t deserve a breakup email. I may have my mistakes, and any form of breakup is awful, but come on – a breakup email? Fuck that shit.

In other news, why did I drink 6 glasses of Jack and Coke tonight? Because I want to. Since 2022, I promised to drink my favorite Jack and Coke every week, but I only drank 4 glasses last January. Last week I drank 4 glasses, and tonight I drank 6. So, that’s 10 glasses of Jack and Coke this February. My therapist will kill me because of the more-than-a-fuckload consumption of my favorite drink. But come on. Let me live a little.

Speaking of my therapist – my last session was last July of 2022. Is the date of my last session a sign of progress? Some of my friends think so. But I think it’s weird. Almost 7 months? I should check up on my therapist via email. Soon. Maybe not tonight. Maybe tomorrow. I’m so drunk as hell right now.

And time’s up.

Image header: Marcin Dampc of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2022.

Updated on September 7, 2025.