melancholy – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

10-Minute Warning CXCIV

What I truly dislike is when people tell me not to cry.

I’m quite aware that not every problem can be fixed, and everyone makes mistakes. But whether that problem can be fixed, or I end up crying over spilled milk, I should be allowed to shed tears. I learned a long time ago that I can’t just bottle up my sorrow and anger, and I need to express myself (not in a destructive way, of course) to feel catharsis, to feel better. To certain people, why am I not allowed to cry?

If I’m not allowed to cry in a place that I thought to be safe, fuck that shit. Maybe I should look for a safer space elsewhere. And if I can’t find another safe space, it’s a good thing I have The Diary.

One more day before my birthday.

A part of 14 Days of The Deranged Writer (2025).

Header image: Hans of Pixabay. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.

10-Minute Warning CLXXVIII

OK. What should I share here in under 10 minutes?

Today at work, I had only a few tasks, and I finished them with ease. It has been weeks since the last time I only had a handful of workload, and I’m relieved.

So, work’s over, my parents ran many errands, and I’m all alone in the house. What should I do?

Then the sadness started to sink in. I can feel this is the kind of melancholy that I experienced almost a month ago—alone in the house, with my thoughts, and with or without my favorite Jack & Coke Zero. And usually, when I feel this kind of sadness, I would just dwell on it but I would also not do anything rash.

But today, I did not feel like drifting in the darkness for long. Instead, I watched a few films on Netflix: Back in Action (a spy action comedy film starring Jamie Foxx and Cameron Diaz) and all of two Extraction films (starring Chris Hemsworth as mercenary Tyler Rake.) The impromptu movie marathon (plus the sirens I heard that reminded me of the greatest mathematician of all time, Scott Steiner) distracted me from the sadness.

In other news: I’m really tempted to have my favorite Jack & Coke Zero tonight, but I need to resist. Drinking said drink is my Friday night ritual, and I don’t want to ruin that. Not tonight at least.

…and my time’s almost up. See you in the next post.

10-Minute Warning CLXIII

OK. What can I tell here under 10 minutes?

Today has been a sad day for me.

I woke up feeling sad. I’m sad when I had my breakfast. I’m sad when I took a bath. I’m sad when I opened my laptop and worked for a few hours. I’m sad when I had my late lunch. I’m sad when I looked for a job. I brought my sadness to my afternoon nap, and I woke up again still feeling sad. I’m sad when I had my dinner. I’m sad when I watched the movie Meet Joe Black, and I’m still sad while I’m writing this.

And all of this, I don’t know why I’m sad. All I know is that I’m sad, and I just hope I will not be sad tomorrow.