Instant messaging has to be one of the greatest modern inventions known to man. Despite the miles of distance, one can now easily message someone with a few clicks, and that someone can reply in a matter of minutes or even seconds. I send “How are you?” to someone, and I get “I’m good! How are you?” right after, and we can take it from there.
But after many years of operating on the World Wide Web, and seeing that dimension expand and grow along with social media and instant messaging, I learned that despite the technology being called “instant”, sometimes, I shouldn’t expect a reply in the blink of an eye, whatever the recipient’s reason is (e.g., busy, social battery is drained). Sometimes, the pessimist in me thinks I simply shouldn’t expect a reply. That situation gets more difficult if the recipient lives miles away. But if I truly want to get to know someone, no matter the distance, I should treat instant messages as letters and be patient.
I met a new friend last year, and since then, we have been getting to know each other online. Sometimes, when we’re both free, we chat for a few hours. Other times, when we’re busy and life happens, we send long messages to one another like exchanging digital letters. The app’s text field is our paper, the keyboard is our pen. So far, our letters to one another have been so warm and friendly, and that makes me over the moon. This is why I love modern technology.
Still, I admit that during long gaps between chats, I become a bundle of nerves because of uncertainty and fear of losing touch with her. My anxiety about that comes from several years of broken friendships and meaningful connections dying prematurely due to ghosting. But whenever I look back at our warm and friendly conversations that spanned several months already, I don’t see any real reason to be anxious. In fact, our conversations relax my nerves like the hot honey/lemon tea I’ve been drinking every afternoon. Plus, she still replies warmly, and she told me a few times that my messages make her feel comfortable, too. I really need to chill and widen my patience.
I should also keep in mind that she has her own life while I have mine. I should continue living and walking between the light and the dark during the gap without worrying too much. If I continue to simply wait for her reply and forget to live and set goals for myself, I will not grow as a person. And I learned a long time ago, “No one likes a person who doesn’t have goals and plans in life.” Also, as someone who loves stories, I realized this: the lovely thing about living life on our own for a while is that when we continue the conversation, I have stories to tell, and she has hers. That’s like creating more opportunities for us to get to know one another.
Instant messaging may have set standards for instant replying, and that can be tricky if the recipient is miles away. But, despite the distance, if you really want to know someone, treat messages as digital letters and simply be patient. It’s not about replying faster; it’s about replying thoughtfully, and trust me: that kind of thoughtful message, even if it is sent far away, can be as warm and comforting as candlelight.
Also, I’m thankful for modern technology and instant messaging. If it weren’t for those inventions that make communication easier and more convenient, the only way to know someone far away would be actual letters, and that takes longer to write and send. More importantly, I’m thankful for meeting her. I’d like to keep the connection going, wherever it may lead.
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Header image: Negative Space of Pexels. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2025.
The Diary of The Deranged Writer 