Trigger warning: Anxiety. Please be advised.
My mind has been all over the place today. Let me expound on that…
At early lunchtime, I had to deal with Internet maintenance. The whole process lasted for two hours, but for me, it felt like half a day. And while I was dealing with that, old mistakes (little and huge) were racing through my head, I was having a hard time breathing properly, and my heart was pumping crazily faster. Once again, I was thinking about all of the mistakes I could have avoided and fixed…
But no, I had to stop this anxiety. I had to stop thinking for a while and I didn’t want my family to know I was anxious. So I went to the bathroom, leaned on the wall, and followed my breathing exercises. It took a few minutes before I breathed properly again, and when I did, I wasted no time because we had to go to Mass. I quickly took a cold bath, wore my Sunday best, and went out with my Mother and my cousin Yan.
I think today’s Mass plus our dinner time at 8Cuts were the only time my brain had a break. Thank you, my Mother, for the burger treat. And thank you, Lord, for an hour of total calmness and zero overthinking.
After coming home, I decided to watch When Harry Met Sally… (a classic romantic comedy movie) while I drank my favorite Jack and Coke Zero. (Jack and Coke Zero on a Sunday night? I rarely do that.) And when I saw a particular scene (I’m not going to spoil it here especially if you have not seen it), I was reminded of someone who was a key person in my high school life and was a great friend.
I started reminiscing all our great memories in high school and during our first term in college (that one hangout/dinner after one class was so memorable to me) and the lengthy phone calls that almost reached the night. Then I remembered how our friendship started falling apart (thanks to her then-boyfriend) and how it was not the same after that. We started talking again after a few years, but after a few conversations and when I met her randomly at a mall, like I said, it was not the same after that. I felt like I was demoted to just a classmate.
Inner Dewey: But Dewey, be thankful you guys are talking again. That’s better than nothing.
Me: Yes, I know. I know. I’m thankful for that. But…
What a day. I need to sleep this.
Ω
This post’s header image is made by Adobe Photoshop 2025’s Generative Fill.
Published on February 23, 2025 at 11:33pm. Edited at 11:59pm. Edited once more on February 24, 2025 at 12:08am.
The Diary of The Deranged Writer 