Minute Warnings – Page 66 – The Diary of The Deranged Writer

10-Minute Warning XXX

A quick update : My headache went away yesterday and I was able to finish my workload. Today, I had a lot of free time and I feel a bit dizzy, so I took a lot of naps. I mean, I took a nap after breakfast, and another nap in the afternoon. After the latter, I felt so tired and I hate it. Naps are supposed to energize my whole being during the day because I’m nocturnal. Damn it.

What else can I say here? Yesterday, after finishing my work early, I went to Satchmi to write on my journal and drink their thirst-quenching house blend iced tea. After that, I went to see The Flash movie, and it was simply trippy and emotional. I might watch it again next week. And then I capped off my solo trip with a satisfying chicken quesadilla with cheese dip and a Coke Zero at Army Navy. (Before that, I have been craving for quesadilla for a week.)

And time’s up.

10-Minute Warning XXVIII

I have been feeling shitty for a week already. Thank you, my Dispatch and my journal, for making me remember to count the days. And today, that shitty feeling became worse because of something I did.

I can’t tell the long story, the specifics. All I can say is that I did something that is not really a big deal, but then I looked back at what I did and thought, “I think I fucked up.” I don’t know if (option A) my anxiety is just messing with me or (option B) if I truly fucked up. If I were to pick the lesser evil, I hope for option A.

I haven’t told my family about my current mental predicament. I may have told 2 friends about it. I think I should open up to my family soon – first, my brothers, and then my parents. I think they deserve to know.

10-Minute Warning XXVII

Let me cut to the chase. As I’m typing this now on mobile, I feel really sad. I don’t want to do anything rash or hurt myself. I’m simply sad.

I did everything to feel less sad today. I woke up early this morning. I ate breakfast and lunch on time. I helped in cleaning and taking out the trash. I updated my journal earlier than usual. I listened to the Foo Fighters’ new album But Here We Are for the nth time. And then I had my nightly walking/jogging at Three Trees. And after all that, the sadness is still there. It was lessened, but it is still there.

Perhaps I need to try harder to lessen the sorrow… or maybe stay in the darkness for a while until I’m ready to bounce back? We’ll see. I just hope I will become well tomorrow or any time this week. I truly hope.

Header image: Dustin Tramel of Unsplash. Edited in Adobe Photoshop 2022.