LIV: Another Block

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Whatever happened that lead to my confinement at the hospital for almost 2 weeks, there is a bright side to it: I was on a writing spree; my brain was continuously flowing all the prose and poetry, whether it’s long or short, and whether it’s about professional wrestling or something personal.

I have never been this active since 2009, and I have been riding the Internet as a pseudo-anonymous writer for 11 years. And I am glad I am still allowed to use a laptop and phone to communicate with my friends and family and, of course, blog the hell out.

And now that I am back at my home, the first thing I did was open the laptop and then my Q10 writing app. I wrote a few outlines about what happened at WrestleMania 35 and the Raw show after that, then took a water break, and went back in front of the screen. And that’s what I only did after that: staring at the screen, the cursor blinking, waiting for me to type the next word.

Continue reading LIV: Another Block

LIII: Something Stupid

Trigger warning: depression, anxiety, suicide. Please be advised.


Last Monday morning, everyone was either preparing for work or school or at their respective environments already. Meanwhile, I was wearing my work clothes… and was rushed to an emergency room because of something stupid.

Before I went in, I saw one old male being carried to the ICU. It was life or death; his wife and children were crying; the oxygen tank was on the ready. I hope he gets to live soon.

I, on the other hand, have no idea and don’t care what is going to happen to me. Continue reading LIII: Something Stupid

X: A Fork in the Road

I was so tired after my Friday overtime that I stayed for another hour just to drink more water and take a nap. I did not bother going home right away. And this has been my nth overtime in almost 3 months.

It’s 10:40pm that I logged out of the office. I opened my smartphone and stared at the Uber icon. Should I book a ride? No. I chose to walk for a while and look for a nearby Mercury Drug.

During my walk to the drugstore, my heart started beating hard like a mad gorilla pounding a bass drum. My feet was trembling and almost failing. The quiet and dark streets are whispering somber thoughts I am not supposed to think about.

I need to breathe. I do not need another anxiety attack. God damn it. I need to breathe. I need to close my eyes and take deep breaths. Breathe in. Breathe out. Slowly. Deeply. Breathe. I will be fine.

After a few minutes of my breathing exercise, my anxious heart calmed down and I opened my eyes. There is red and black smoke, and a deep church bell rang as if The Undertaker will start his slow march. But no. I saw more familiar face—the face of The Character, a dear friend of mine that only gifted eyes can see. Wearing his white mask, black hood and black gloves, he presented me a literal fork in the road.

“I will leave it up to you to interpret the paths.”

In the left, there is a contract. What can I say? I have been working for the same digital production company for 3 years, and the past 2 were assured by that contract I signed out of motivation to earn more money, out of my desire to learn more about UI and graphic design and helping out my colleagues, and out of fear of being unemployment for 6 months before I got my first job. My contract’s end is drawing near as my fear of unemployment is creeping back, so there is this want to extend my stay.

In the right, there is a newly-furnished door. This brand new path could mean many things: a new job that pays better yet still stressful or the total end of my current job. But all I can say about the new door is that it symbolizes, well, new. It symbolizes something I have never done before during my 3-year corporate run.

Two paths, and I feel like I’m running out of time. I need to make a decision. I must make a decision. Or…

“But seriously though,” I asked The Character. “How about a vacation? Can I just go to an excursion to Singapore for the weekend or something? Or just watch Foo Fighters in August there? October is a bit far away for me.”

“Well, then. The clock is ticking still,” The Character warned as he slowly disappears from the fog, and the fork in the road dissolves into dust.

And then I woke up. I found myself in a Family Mart resting. I need to go home. Or probably get some new breakfast pancakes at Starbucks before going home. Whatever.

I want a long vacation. I do. But he is right. I need to make a decision soon.