Let me tell you something again under 10 minutes.
Productivity wise, well… I have a few rough nights not coming up with better homepage designs. I also need to sharpen my pen tool skills. Perfect. Just when I am falling in love with Adobe Illustrator again. But other than that I’m good.
And also I’ve been checking more of my junior designer’s social media and UI work, too. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I need to go overtime and work on her tasks myself. But that would not make her improve, right? It’s not in my nature to be strict and I am kind of a rebel myself, but in order for my subordinate to improve, I need to toughen her up. So far, so good. I hope she improves in a couple of months.
When it comes to my panic attacks, there are a few major ones but I am really doing my best to handle them myself, though I do need to inform my loved ones what is happening to me. Even if I am having those attacks, I still have to be aware of my surroundings. I cannot let them win over me. Fuck anxiety, man.
In the coming weeks, I will finally scatter some old posts to beef up The Dispatch’s archives. I’m pretty sure there will be a lot of writing exercises over actual essays, but that’s better than having a stagnant blog. Right?
And there goes 10 minutes.
December starts tomorrow, meaning that my girlfriend is turning another year older. Oh my God. Oh. My. God. Am I ready for tomorrow? I do have a gift though, but should I buy another? But budget is tight. And beside I already bought a gift she really wants. I have not given her a gift off her actual wish list on her birthday. I do not want to make another mistake.
I am nervous. But why should I nervous? I already bought her something. Something she really wants. Good grief. I need to relax. Goddamn coffee. I should stop drinking coffee at night. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Good grief. I worked on more than 10 webpages today. Just 25. No big deal… NO. Shut up. It is a big deal. My brain got dumped by shitloads of sketching, layouting and tweaking images.
So far, the worst website clients are the ones who are involved in real estate. There is nothing wrong with being meticulous; there is nothing wrong with having attention to detail. But pair that up with being fickle leads to utter chaos. The same “how about you change the homepage?” 15 goddamn times? Sickening as fuck. Make up your damned mind, man.
I need a drink. Tea will do. I’m fucking tired.
Of all the shitty years I have ever went through, 2016 has been the shittiest. Seriously. But even if I don’t talk about my personal life, a lot of people will agree that 2016 is one very, very bad year. I can list some reasons: More bloodshed from war-stricken countries, the surprise win of Donald Trump as President of the U.S.A., and the meteoric and almost apocalyptic rise of President Rodrigo Duterte and his controversial war against drugs.
But what really hits me the most as I remember and write under time pressure is the demise of people I look up to. David Bowie, Carrie Fisher, and Prince (!!!) all gone on the same year really cut some heartstrings brutally. I may not know them, but to think that we will never get to see more of their brilliance in music, film and the arts is just terrible. Terrible. But yes, they did made use of their brilliance to change the world or at least change the worlds of those who admire them. And with all of the masterpieces they created, we will remember them for years to come. And I will truly remember them.
And don’t get me wrong. I do want to talk more socially-relevant topics on my blog. But that will be done next year. And it’s like 11:14 as I typed this. Time pressure. Tick tock.
10 minutes. 10 minutes is also not enough for me to discuss how hard it is for me to be diagonosed as clinically depressed. I know I can be really emotionally; that I can get sad pretty easily. But 2016 really put that depression under a microscope. And I can’t even expound on how sad that is without feeling relieved after doing so. Maybe that is also the reason for my new Dispatch. I want a clean slate that I can really talk about what I am really going through.
Of course, there are some brighter moments like getting closer with my family and friends because of my diagnosis, getting a lot of new stuff, buying a lot of new stuff (like the new phone I just bought before Christmas!), new discoveries like the eccentric metal band Ghost and indie pop band Autotelic, and enjoying Ben Affleck’s Batman and Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman (surprising really!) on the big screen. But man, I cannot wait for 2016 to end. This has been one tough year for me and the rest of planet Earth.
And here come the fireworks. Here’s to a funner, less darker 2017! But even if it will not be like that, I just hope everything will be just fine. That’s all.
Happy New Year! Ding!
Since December 22, I started sleeping late again. Like, senior college type of sleeping late. Writing and watching videos until I can see a piece of that morning sun from the window. That was poetic for a 5-minute warning. But it’s true. I’ve been sleeping late again.
But what the hell… I am on my Christmas vacation. I deserve to sleep late like this after all that unholy snowball of work stress. I deserve to mess up my body clock again while enjoying what I love doing in the process—writing (especially here). Sure, I’m exercising that under time pressure, but that adds spice to it. I like challenges especially when it has its rewards—improvement, a material that I want to have, or just plain cash. Who doesn’t want rewards?
And that’s about it. Beep beep beep.
Non-working holidays are a blessing. And that was emphasized this week because since Monday I was too stressed about working on this shirt design project, and I have to adopt this certain vibrant, cartoonish design style that are normally seen on brands like Threadless or Hot Topic.
My main design style, as you can see on The Dispatch, is very minimalist. But I do want to explore other styles, and this project gave me the chance to do so on a working environment. But man, Monday and Tuesday were really challenging. I was making sure that I get the style right but still add my own personal take on the designs.
I was tasked to finish 3 studies, and so far so good on studies 1 and 2. I still haven’t started on study 3, and I have another project with a hard deadline tomorrow. The shirts’ deadline is on Friday. Good God. Help me.
Today is the 26th anniversary of The Undertaker in WWE. It’s not even November 22 in the US. Nonetheless, the date is very significant to me. Sometimes I find comfort in the dark, which is weird. But Undertaker makes it not weird. He made it cool actually.
I’m pretty sure I can’t even expound how much I admire the myth that is The Undertaker within 5 minutes. But all I can say is that if it weren’t for him, being in the darkness may be too grueling to handle. And of course, he’s an amazing brawler in pro wrestling and the many legendary matches he was involved in are worth remembering for generations.
Oh, man. I should work on this piece further. This is not enough.